ok back frm outing.. its really fun.. i hav really enjoyed myself todae... yes i had.. under constuction.. its really the best CG is ever had..


i juz dun feel so good now.. im listening to a song "How Great is Our God" when i was on my way back.. i juz keep repeating the songs.. as i listen on... i juz feel worse.. everything juz happen too fast.. i guess im juz not ready for it so not ready.. especially when i had read Daryl's blog... i juz guess.. im juz not fit to be praise by him... mayn things that i thought i would actually be.. but in fact im not..


in the past i thought i could really change myself juz to make myself feel better in Cg actually im wrong.. when i first came to this CG .. im juz a shy, quiet guy.. i would talk to no 1 except Glenn.. cuz i juz dun feel so good in CG.. as times go by.. i started to skip CG.. i juz so dun feel like going for CG.. instead i would go to arcade to play.. soon i began to skip everything.. including service.. i always give excuses that i could go church.. jzu some stupid excuses..

there are times when Vera actually called me to ask me to go church but i juz turn her down... deep in me i really feel very bad.. but when i go... i would juz feel so left out.. so lonely.. but i was really encourage tat Vera actually continue to call me.. im really encourage by her perseverance.. and at tat point of time i felt tat im so wrong in skipping church so i started goin back..

by tat time i tried to change myself to be more entu in everything the Cg does.. more laughters coming out of me.. and soon it became a habit of me.. i juz laugh at almost everything.. sometimes.. i juz dun like it.. i knw im juz forcing myself to be happy... in the actual fact is tat im not happy at all.. at times i juz felt tat the Cg does care at all... but as times goes by i felt very different.. they do care...

until todae.. and tmr is the day when my Cg is gonna split.. i felt really terrible.. juz not right..

at times.. i juz think.. why? why? why muz i actually do so many things that i knw tat its a sure tat my efforts will all goes down the drain.. but i still hold on.. cuz i knw i may really encourage them eventually.. very often i juz feel so angry.. so disappointed.. when my friends juz turn me down when i invite them to church.. or else is tat when i actually see my close friends stray away..
e.g Glenn.. Jorim... sometimes i juz wonder... why muz i actually wake up so early to meet them at their hse and actually hav to go to their hse to wake them up.. i can juz go church by my own... and wake up late like 745am... intead of 640am... i can juz dun do all these things... but many times bcuz im soft hearted.. i continue to wake up early to meet them no matter how tired i am.. or how late i slept the day b4.... BUt i can sense tat God juz ask me to hang on..

so i really hope in future Glenn and Jorim could really understand why im actually doin these.. to make them come church and not rot at home..

as for me i breakdown very easily.. many times.. ppl may see frm my outside and thing tat im determine.. so strong inside.. but actually its juz the thoughts of thiers.... i juz feel tat i really different from the other guys.. im more of emotional type... i do get upset very easily.. sometimes i maybe seems to be happy outside but actually im not. i maybe good outside but not inside... sometimes i juz hope tat ppl will understands me better but after all they juz dun understands me so well inside... even though they might hav knw me for very long... instead.. its Daryl.. whom i juz know for maybe 2 weeks.. understands me so much better.. i guess.. maybe its bcuz we are juz so alike.. in terms of mentally...

there are a few ppl whom i really hope to talk abt are:

[Daryl]
even though i have juz juz know him for 2weeks.. he is really encouraging.. and i was really shock that he is the 1 that actually talk to me on msn instead of me talking to him... and now to me he is juz a great brother to me.. =) really thank God for him..
[Sarah]
erm.. Sarah.. i hav knw u for almost 8yrs i guess.. and we wasnt so close only until the study period i guess.. im really great i being able to know her much better b4 the Cg splits.. and most of all is that the affirmations tat she had given me had really encough me.. really thank God to have her as a friend... and the encouragement tat she had given to me...
[Lucille]
yup lucille she is also another 1 tat had given me lots of encouragement to move on when at times tat i really feel so down... really great to hav her in the Cg too.. and also thank God tat i had knw u better durin the study period... =)
[YongLing]
Some who i really admires alot.. with lots of determination and encouragement.. and also a girl that always have a wide smile on her face.. i guess i also had knw her better during the study period yup.. really thak God for tat..
[Leonerd]
A guy who isnt very close to me but i was really touch by his encoragement on tat night on msn when i guess its the results day for my prelim.. thz leonerd.. thz alot..
[Vera]
Some1 who i actually talk to almost every niight in the past.. haha.. when i first came to cg... it really nice of u to have chatted with me till so late and lots of enocouragements from u too.. if it wasnt for u tat ur words tat really touch me.. i wouldnt be back in chruch and wouldnt be so faithful to God.. Really really thank God for u... THZ VERA!!(i had nvr find u being mean at all)