times flies,
people aged,
and start to die.

not trying to be a pessimist, but just feeling that way for the moment. how many times how i actually count the time that i've wasted, the time that i've given up on. until last wed, i realise its just too much to count. visited my grandfather on wed, thank God he is okay alrdy, but now that he need special care he gotta stay in a elderly care center.

as usually after visiting my grandfather. my family would just go for dinner. as i was sitting there eating my dinner, plenty of thoughts were goin through my mind. lots of lots of things, the flash back of the time i spend with my grandfather, the times when my grandfather take care of me. there so many times that he had been there for me, but everytime i'm just not not there for him. recently i've tired to visit him everytime i see him i'm lost for words. tears just rolled down my cheeks evertime i were to be travelling home after i visit my grandfather.

i dont what to say or what to do. or i could do is stand there and do nothing. Feeling so guilty so scared and worried. i guess its propably the greatest obstacle for me to endure through now. i'm really scared that one day he will just pass away. i really cant imagine how i would be or how terrible i would feel as im alrdy feeling so terrible right now.

every now and then when i start thinking of my grandfather i just couldnt control myself and breakdown. sometimes i just wish im still young and that i wouldnt have to experience this type of situation. right now. im really lost. what can i do? nth but pray. all i can say now is that i really really scared...